i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
