Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
