Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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