I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
