Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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