do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
