I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
