Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
