I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
