Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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