My underwear smells like fireworks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
