There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
