dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
