Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
