i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
