i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
