we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
