those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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