i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
