I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
