I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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