I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
