just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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