A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
