I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
