youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
