Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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