I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
