Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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