i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
