i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize