Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize