walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
