I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
