East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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