she was so not down for the gang bang
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
