what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
