Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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