# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
