Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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