My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
