I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
