omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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