I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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