This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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