So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
