Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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