I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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