I cannot find my penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize