I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
