i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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