ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
