i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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