Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
