we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
