Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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