I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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