i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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