just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just had sex bonerless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
