It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
