U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
