You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize