I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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