I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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