I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
