i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
