Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
