Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
